It’s a week left for me here in this little island…
It’s been 13 months since i stepped foot on this little place and sought for my dreams… and yet, I’ve achieved none.
however, there were so many memories; a bitter sweet symphony i shall say..
Let me count the ways i’ve grown since I came here. I’ve learnt that working life isn’t as easy as I thought, more or less, working and living alone in a foreign country. Though it may seem similiar to the city i’ve grown up for the past 22 years.. the culture, thoughts and life is definitely different. People here are more aware of your capability and they tend to be afraid of you, thus, there comes the ill-spoken words coming from them…
I’ve learnt to be more relaxed and discipline. Knowing what to do, and what not to do. I’ve become a more complex person in ways that I’ve never known. Shunning from all posible feelings that may lead me to depression.
This does sound bad… *laughs*
Since August 08, I’ve been drinking much more than i could imagine, compared to the past few years. Everyday since that month till now, alcohol has become my best friend and my sleeping pill. Why the sudden change in habit? I’ve no idea. Perhaps, I just enjoy the entertainment, the life I’ve never had, the freedom. Of course, having such free life definitely pays. Haha~ Lack of sleep!*grins*
Somehow, I could remember vividly still. He came up and just smiled. Someone I’ve never seen for all the months i’ve been working here.
The 6th floor guy, i shall name him. Perhaps, my angel?
One the first day – I realised that he actually notices me from before i changed my hairstyle. To be exact, since august till now…Too many sweet words, too much care and sincerity that he gave me the next day. It’s weird, funny and yet to be remembered.
On the second day i saw him, some herbal tea and a pack of lozenges was all he gave me the next day, just to ease my cough, he said. That was nice of him. Should i open my heart a little?
On the third day – dinner. where did we go? just some usual fast food place… i remember him trying to hold my hands while we were just walking around.. a tingle in my heart and a sudden stop in my heartbeat. It’s been awhile, I haven’t had this feeling. Ah, what a feeling~
On the fourth day – how sweet of you, angel, to accompany me all the way there just to pass that thing to my friend. and to ignore calls from work. i think, perhaps, i might just open my heart a little more. i can see your sincerity…
On the fifth day – east coast park was fun. a refreshing time out… *grins to herself* I’m sorry, angel, to make you stay up till late just to accompany me. I know you’re just too exhausted and furthermore, work on sunday…
And out of the sudden.. things took a 360 change. was it sincerity then? oh was it just a way to get me and throw me away? Like a used toy. I guess i’m starting to understand why i closed my heart in the first place.
i couldn’t understand the coldness anymore. i couldn’t fathom what is going through your mind. Oh god, just when i started to open my heart a little… things come crumbling, crushing the door and blocking my heart. Tears? No, there were none. I couldn’t cry. I just couldn’t.
Once again, i tried my very best to shut my heart. The doors didn’t budge for those few days… I sat there, thinking and staring into thin air. Damnit!
Well, it’s gonna be a short, painful memory to erase, somehow. It bugs me a little.
What shall I say to you, angel? I guess, all that can ever come out from me would be a short Thank You. For the sweet short memories, for the kindness you showed me once.