. what to do? .

it seems so wrong, yet so right at the same time.

don’t blame her for telling me of her story and which, triggered my memory of years before…

vivid memories those were.. 2 days 2 nights begging you.. and you were so so cold.. i’ve never seen you so cold before. the struggle to know what has happened between us in all of a sudden. just that night at my place you asked me for dinner; then the next i remembered was your cold voice and me rushing like a silly fool to beg you for forgiveness.

life had never been the same since then. 6 months of torture. well, the most torturous part of this were the smses she sent me. it’s like a knife stabbing into pieces of me..i guess you’ll never really understand how i felt. in fact, you were enjoying every moment with her. what’s more, she’s legally married to another guy. are married women better for your taste? i have no idea.

the smses she sent me.. those cruel words that kept on pinching me..

6 months of drinking… of trying to get myself drunk, just to forget those painful moments.. the struggle to see who was the person you were busy calling and smsing for those few weeks before disaster struck me. the bed where we used to share and hug to sleep, i still remember myself trying to hug you that night, begging for your forgiveness. the bed where you coldly pushed my hands away.. all so cold and cruel..

Revenge, was all I could think of.. but after being with you again.. i felt that i never wanted to hurt you anymore..

I guess the thorn is still there. how to take it out, i’m still not sure yet. after that night’s conversation, im not sure what to do already. to continue and try to forget the past; or to let it all waste, down the drain..it’s hurting me so much now.. knowing that i can’t let all these sweet memories of us fade through time..

tell me, what can i do?

lost confidence in you? or have i really lost confidence in myself already? i’ve been trying so hard to better myself since i came to Singapore, hoping for the best, for the both of us.. or was it loneliness here that have lead me to such thinking? im so confused at the moment.. where am i to go? what am i to do next?

was hoping so much of a sms or a call from you.. none..

what was i thinking?

im so reluctant to do anything now.. =.=…

all i know and realised the whole of yesterday, that i missed you so much.. is it love then? or is it because ive been with you for so long that i don’t want to spend my time with another person anymore; or have i really found you as my companion for life? i’ve still yet to find out…

so lost.. so lost…


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