. thoughts of my own .

i’ve been relying too much on my mp4 for comfort and music, ever since the earphones got stuck in my ears, i hardly hear any natural noise anymore. it feels so fake, the music in my ears; yet it feels soothing and brings me into my world… but im not hearing anything else already, other than my own heart, my own soul. we’ve been so accustomed to these inventions, that we have no passion for nature anymore.

once in awhile, i’ll take off those earphones and eavesdrop on conversations between those sweet, sweet couples; a soft snore from the man next to me; the loudness of one’s music over the earphone; the tapping of shoes, due to impatience; the shuffling of people within the cabin… and sometimes, a roaring cry from an infant or toddler.. it may not make sense, yet it feels so comfortable and at ease. knowing that you can hear..

this shall be a confession post . dedicated, to my dear lovely sakai pp piggy sis .

it is to my delight, that you have found someone who can give you the happiness you want and also someone who cares. it is to my joy, that you have stepped out of your shell and regained that confidence in sharing your life with another person, though you may still have second thoughts about it. nonetheless, you are as happy as anyone can be in such state.

on the other hand, i was surprised, shocked and betrayed. not betrayed by you. but by my own self. my trust of him that i believed he will fulfill his promise to me. yet, not even a month, such surprise has came to me. the thought of such thing never occurred. wait, im not naive to believe that he’ll ever want me. then what was the promise? perhaps i took it in the wrong way, perhaps i was just played. which he told, he doesn’t play. and now what?

perhaps, i was hoping too much, my fault again. monkey reminded me, that im greedy. who wouldn’t be? or perhaps im just afraid of not having the chance of being loved. maybe that is why i chose this path.

why are they so many ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybe’? can’t i make up my mind?

i’m a confused soul. no wonder i’m soulless.

soulless circus. the true meaning to this blog.

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